In Memoriam

Requiescat
in Microundis.

XVI · V · MMXXIII  —  XXVIII · I · MMXXIV

He held the warmth of a thousand reheated meals.

He absorbed the rage of a Challenger jungler.

He gave his life so we could clip the moment.

Light a Candle

scroll · to mourn · to revive · to believe

Chapter I

The Life

--:--

XVI · V · MMXXIII

The Origin Throw

On the sixteenth day of May, in the year of our snowball MMXXIII, Kesha hurled him across the room.

The throw was clean. The arc, almost holy. The PC, unfortunately, broken. The clip was titled, in the plainspoken liturgy of Twitch: "KESHA THROWES MICROWAVE AND BREAKS PC."

witness the first throw  ↗

VI · VIII · MMXXIII

The Summer Truce

By August, the rivalry had names and chapters. Kesha declared, on Facebook of all places —

"I FINALLY WON THE FIGHT AGAINST THE MICROWAVE."

It was a lie. The microwave returned. Battered, scorched, but humming. The saga had only begun.

Chapter II

The Loss

XXVIII — I — MMXXIV

“there goes the microwave”

On the twenty-eighth of January, 2024, the original appliance gave way. Thirty-seven thousand of his closest friends watched it happen on Instagram. One hundred and thirty wrote to grieve.

Days later, Kesha posted the eulogy. The caption said what no one wanted to read:

“farewell to his microwave.”

That was supposed to be the end of the saga.
That was supposed to be the end.

Chapter III

The Movement

The bit lives. The bit must live louder.
Become a Believer. Light a Candle.
Help us bring him home.

candles lit · believers and counting

your vow may be displayed on the wall. keep it sacred — no links, no mentions, no slurs.

no email. no resale. just the count, and the wall of those who came before. brrrrr.

Chapter IV

The Covenant

— read aloud, where the chat can hear you —

We, the undersigned, do hereby believe.

We believe that on every stream, a microwave should sit. We believe that rage requires a target, and that target should be inanimate, replaceable, and ideally still under warranty.

We believe the saga did not end on the twenty-eighth of January, MMXXIV. We believe the saga is, in fact, only entering its second act.

We believe in the holy noise. The brrrrr. The snowball. The full ability power Nunu build that no theorycrafter would sanction.

We believe in the Friggebod and the small joys of a small shed. We believe in the conchetumare, wherever in Chile it may be hollered.

We believe a man and his appliance can hate each other and still be a love story.

We swear, on the four skull emojis of his obituary, that we will not forget. That we will not be quiet. That we will, when the moment is right, present this petition to its only intended reader and ask, plainly:

please. bring him home.

ratified, with the chat, in perpetuity

Chapter VI

The Faithful

Names spoken into the dark.
Vows the bit remembers.

“Praise be to Microwave!”

“Rest in peace wherever you are, awaiting your rebirth as a new device”

“nga”

“we will miss you”

“Long live the microwave”

“This very microwave was there when I first Watched Kesha, it isn't the same without it”

“Hail the microwave”

“gargagaragu”

“I will climb to challenger i swear”

“Mi”

— silent vow —

“rip my hero you realy did a grat job helping kesha intertains people i just want you to know that we will never forget you <3”

“the microwave wants to be dominated”

— silent vow —

“I light this candle for the microwave, because the microwave lit candle within me. we remeber the microwave.”

“can win”

“i lofve kesha :(”

“The microwave made me gay”

“dasdas”

“Microwave”

“We walk on the shoulders of giants. For us to be able to run some must crawl. RIP Mike Ro Wave.”

“int”

“For those that come after.”

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. I’m sorry. You were just trying to do your job.”

“the microwave always spoke the truth”

“I shall reignite the memory of Micro the Wavious every day with the forbidden fork ritual each month, my burns shall be proof of my resolve”

“Bet someone made an R34 of Kesha having very questionable relations with his clanker microwave...”

— silent vow —

“Ever since the microwave gone, I can't windows anything.”

“Forever it shall be in our hearts, giving warmth to our souls.”

“kocham mikrofale prosze o powrót”

“kesha is an inting dog TRUUUUUUUE”

“I need it back!”

“All hail the microwave”

“The microwave is life and death; It comes with blessings and curses. Even if gone in body, it persists in spirit. Like Kesha's sanity.”

“I vow to never be a disgusting inter again until the microwave is restored to its former glory”

— silent vow —

“All hail the microwave”

“I love gosho”

“Femboys are superior”

“wish your next fight be legendary, and is with the sun”

“He radiates”

“The microwave knows all”

“may my soul believe, may my heart race, may my see who you are, all might never change”

“vila i frid, mikrovågsugnen”

“🙏 may it rest in peace 🙏”

“mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

— silent vow —

— silent vow —

“May you heat up my food to optimal temperature”

“I love microwave”

“we ventanas”

“nigers shall become slaves once more”

— silent vow —

“i hope the microwave can rest well”

“the grey boy stands for the microwave”

— silent vow —

“The microwave will reawaken when the time is right...”

“Hasagi”

“The microwave have been the key point of my life and i would be dead without it, please bring it back”

— silent vow —

— silent vow —

“You showed me that you can shine even if you havew a micro. RIP microwave”

“I will think of you every night”

“May it be used to reheat meals in heaven.”

— silent vow —

“Oh Microwave. Holder of challenger rage, important speak giver, gateway to knowledge. You will be missed o7”

— silent vow —

“please do not the microwave”

“do not microwave willump”

“When the rapture begins, only whose who know of his holy microwave radiation will be allowed into his spledid kingdom.”

— silent vow —

“oh please make me a better jungler”

“a white boy in motion stays in motion”

“he tried to breathe when it went in but it was too late”

“R.i.P my goat”

“tenshi is so bad”

“Stop microwave hate”

— silent vow —

“yes kesha...do it again...”

“I will never forget the microwave”

“true and real”

“my condolences big dawg”

“CBT”

— silent vow —

“Gnar cosplay when”

“microwave but macro love”

— silent vow —

“"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm" - hums my microwave again, reheating a dish of macaroni. And in sorrow mourns the loss of one of its brethrens. Cruel world.”

“igen!”

“Kesha doesnt believe.... but i do”

— silent vow —

“Microwave 4 ever”

“a”

“Siiiiix seeeeven six seeevne siiiix seeeeeeeven sixseven sixsevn”

“I love u bebe”

“bring back the 'wave!”

“o7 forever in our hearts”

“i will never forget you, microwave”

“missing you”

“I was Always a Believer”

“I only wish I had had more time to know him better”

“We need you..,”

“Thou art of passing skill, Warrior blood must truly run in thy veins, Microwave!”

“Love prevails.”

“A microwave teaches that power means nothing without timing. Too little, nothing changes. Too much, and you burn what you wanted to nourish.”

— silent vow —

“The microwave was my gay awakening.”

“Inthe holy fury of Kesha rage and the unstoppable snowball spirit of Nunu we lay this microwave to rest It died as it lived loud n dramatic”

— silent vow —

“may the best stream duo and roomate rest in peace”

“sadfsghhhh”

“It shall rest in peace, so it wont witness the fall from grace of his closest friend and prior challenger player: Kesha. 🙏”

“how many holes does his underwear have?”

“And behold, the oven of waves departed; yet he shall return in due time, and be beloved.”

— silent vow —

— silent vow —

“BAHHH”

“Kesha..”

“kesha lol”

“i just miss it so much”

— silent vow —

“Rest in piece, nunu&willump love and miss you.”

“Not sure why I’m here but rip microwave”

“What will listen to all his rants, what will he put his dih in, what even is he, without the microwave”

“I still love you”

“i think about it everyday, i miss it everyday , we must get the microwave back, it deserves a better ending”

“The Microwave is not just an appliance. It is the people who remember it.”

“one of the many cornerstones displayed on the internet website twitch dot television forward slash keshaeuw has been gone for far too long.”

— silent vow —

“i hated the microwave as well, but now i kinda miss it”

“bring it back.”

— silent vow —

“Long live the Microwave”

“The microwave knows everything”

“Ever since I found the microwave in pieces, covered in white stuff in the friggebod- I was changed as a mother. No microwave deserves that.”

— silent vow —

“kesha u balding”

“buh”

“Microwave come back we need your wisdom”

“Forever missed and loved”

— silent vow —

“The microwave died for our sins. Never forget.”

— silent vow —

“may he come home safe, amen”

“kesha treats me poorly please help”

“The microwave lives on in my heart”

“I like peanut butter”

“Bring the microwave back”

“MIcrowave is love. Microwave is life.”

— silent vow —

“The microwave got tossed around and abused all his life, he deserved better…”

— silent vow —

“plz sir microwave sir plz, come back my family needs u”

“I believe in the microwave. i am hoping it returns one day and i am very humble to it. i will now dream of it, good night”

“unban RKM 2026”

“Microwave was always there, for keshas frustration, anger and most importantly kesha's love. WE WINDOWS!!"!!%#"¤!%&”

“Microwave for life”

“kesha made the microwave. it would be nothing without him. however, kesha would be nothing without the microwave aswell. farewell microwave”

“I hope Kesha returns the microwave!”

“I couldn't bring back the microwave, so I built him a temple. -MicrowaveBeliever”

brrrrr. the wall updates every minute.

Chapter VII

The Letter

kesha —

we know you didn’t ask for any of this.

a believer built a website. the wall behind us has 508 names on it.

you said the microwave would never come back.
you also said you would never stream on weekends.

on the seventeenth of may, MMXXVI — a sunday — you went live anyway.

we’re not asking you to bring back the bit. forcing it would cheapen it. what would it take? a microwave silhouette behind the cam. a candle, on a slow stream.

you tell us. we’ll do the work.

the bit was never just yours.
but the next move is.

take your time.